Shoot! Don’t Shoot! (poem)

Their words are writ large, on the pages of life,
But to some folks, spelling causes no little strife.
Is it ‘to’ or ‘too’ or even ‘two’?
Or are you the sort who hasn’t a clue?

Nowadays, we’ve Word and the internet,
To solve any spelling or grammar point, yet
“I’ll ignore Word’s squiggly red and blue lines,
“Write what I like, it’ll all be fine
“What does a program know about spelling and grammar?”
“Well qu-quite a lot,” you’ll hear me st-stammer.

The good old apostrophe, now that can be fun,
If something’s missed out, or belongs to someone.
But is it “its” or “it’s” or “’tis” or “it is”?
It’s enough to get your head spinning round in a tizz!

Now, for a plural – meaning more than one!
Just add an ‘s,’ let worries be gone.
At the market, there’re “banana’s,” “apple’s,” and “pear’s”
But approach and complain, you’ll need some repairs!

You know, English is easy, there’re persons just four,
Most verbs stay the same, “wherefore art thou’s” no more.
Just add an ‘s’ for he, she and it,
So, ‘he calls,’ ‘it stinks,’ ‘she falls,’ but ‘I shit.’

As for commands, they’ll give no headache,
“Shoot!” “Don’t shoot!” What a piece of cake!
And adjectives too, they just stay the same,
Red House, red men, Red Arrows, red dame.

But when it comes to our spelling,
Their and there, they’re telling,
That, lo and behold, there’s an effort to make,
So, try to spell write, for heaven’s sake!


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