‘Parker’, that’s what they calls me, on account of I’m a nosy sod, know what I mean. Anyways, I’m a pot-man at the Universe club and the guvnor tells me to ‘keep an eye out for anything untoward’, know what I mean?
So it was last Thursday night and I sees this fantastic-looking bird – a halter top, big boobs, skinny jeans, leaving a table to go the ladies. Only, as I watched I sees her turn into the gents!
‘Aye, aye,’ I thinks and I follows her. I felt a bit embarrassed but a job’s a job, know what I mean? So I pushes open the door and, blow me, there she is at a urinal!
“Excuse me miss, I think you are in the wrong toilet!” I says, all important-like.
Then I notice she has a long wossname dangling out and is peeing into the bowl.
She turns to me and smiles. “I bet you’d like to suck one of those!”
Well, I was gobsmacked! “Why, you offering?”
“How dare you!” she exclaimed angrily, nodding her head towards a poster behind her, advertising an ice lolly.
“Sorry miss!” My face burned with embarrassment. Know what I mean?

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